Vampires suck!

              Fact: Evermore by Alyson Noel is the worst book ever to have been written.  I can forgive the ‘Twilight” series, and even the entire “Vampire Diaries” books. But I draw the line at these atrocious ‘novels’.  I understand that teenage girls crave a sense of fantasy now and again to escape the monotony of everyday life, I really do. But seriously, another one? It really would be more economical to just buy a copy of “Twilight” and read it copious amounts of times.  You’re not missing out on anything new, and you’re saving a few trees along the way. My point is this: there really is a limit to how much you can write about a vampire.

        I say ‘novel’ with a particular sense of sarcasm, because if you are fortunate enough to have ever read any of the delightful “Twilight” saga, then a read of Evermore will not come to much of a surprise to you. The ‘novel’ follows Ever, a teenage psychic, who has tragically lost her family in a freakish accident… where only she survived. (Shock, horror)

Ever, trying to drown out her new psychic powers by listening to loud music and covering herself with hooded sweatshirts and sunglasses, feels a sudden and overwhelming connection to Damen, the too-good-to-be true new guy at school. Unlike the other people she has encountered since the accident she somehow survived, she cannot see his aura or hear his thoughts. It is clear from the start that something is not quite normal with Damen.

He does not seem to eat or sleep, conjures flowers, and has the uncanny ability to seem to know what Ever is thinking. (Sounds conveniently like “Twilight” to me)

       If you haven’t been living under a rock for the past couple of years, you’ll almost certainly know about the vampire craze that’s hit the globe. At first I could tolerate it, but now it really is becoming boring. You can’t walk into a shop without being bombarded with mugs, t-shirts, and shoes, with all the faces (and other parts) of Robert Pattinson and

Taylor Lautner: the guys that the whole world are in love with after their appearance in the “Twilight” movies. 

      I may be wandering slightly off the point here, but what I’m trying to say is that authors like Alyson Noel and L.J Smith (Vampire Diaries) are all leeching glory off Stephenie Meyer, and avoiding any originality whatsoever in their own ‘novels’.  If you don’t believe me… check this out:

And I gazed at the guy leaning over me, looking into his dark eyes and whispered, 

 “I’m Ever,”

Before passing out again.

Wow. Genius. I don’t know what impresses me more, the enigmatical vocabulary used by Noel, or her original plot line.

        If you really insist on obsessing over the un-dead, then why not at least read a classic? Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a perfect choice. It’s an enthralling, epistolary novel with enough antiquated language to get you lost in the book for days. It’s a bit more challenging to read, but surely that’s a good thing? It’s better to feel a sense of accomplishment and wonder over a novel, than being a bit disappointed. Take a look:

When the attendants rushed in, and we turned our attention to him, his employment positively sickened me. He was lying on his belly on the floor licking up, like a dog, the blood, which had fallen from my wounded wrist. He was easily secured, and to my surprise, went with the attendants quite placidly, simply repeating over and over again, “The blood is the life! The blood is the life!”

         See. No wasted words, just great succinct writing. What’s great about Dracula, is that Stoker focuses more on the primal urges vampires have about blood. Whereas Noel rambles on about pointless psychic abilities, that as readers, no one really cares about. Let’s be honest.

       I read this book from beginning to end. And now, as I flick back through the book, desperately trying to find something positive to report to you I find myself exasperated by my conclusion… there isn’t anything. Well, maybe that’s not true. In all truth, this novel does have one thing going for it: it’s dreadful. So dreadful in fact that it’s almost comical, so don’t worry. After you’ve read this phenomenal piece of literature, there are another 5. I don’t know about you, but I just can’t wait.

       

Written by Steph Rawlinson for her English Language coursework.